Thursday, June 30, 2011

"2012: Ice Age" (2011) - film review


This movie is a disaster! The acting is so bad I often laughed out loud at the delivery. I could write better dialogue when I was in 9th grade! The plot is very implausible and the premise is ridiculous. One would have to be wholly ignorant of science to not be incredulous.

First of all the glacier would not be speeding across the ocean no matter how big it was. If such a gigantic glacier shelf broke off (1,000 miles wide) it would have triggered a massive tsunami. The shortest over-water distance between Europe and America is 1,630 miles so if glacier will reach the eastern US coast in 19 hours it is traveling at 86mph! This is just not possible.

The Indian scientist is a complete moron, he sees explosions less than a mile away and waits until the last possible minute to take off in the helicopter. Then the fool travels along the fault line! All he has to do was fly at a 90 degree angle to the fault line and he would have been safe. Or he could have just flown higher, the helicopter was way too close to the ground. And that was an extremely powerful huge helicopter he was in so it had the power.

Julie McCullough is not aging well. I was shocked to read that she's only 45. She looks closer to 60! I remember when she was on "Growing Pains". This is what happens when you get too much sun exposure. I bet she's also a smoker. Her skin looks at least 10 years older than her age, she has dark pockets under her eyes, liver spots, tons of wrinkles, skin looks extremely dry and unhealthy! Girls if you want nice skin when you get older STAY OUT OF THE SUN and moisturize.

Their slut daughter is totally annoying. She meets her ostensible boyfriend in Manhattan and after less than 1 minute says, "Let's go back to the dorm and fool around!" Right there I have lost any sympathy for her and hope the glacier gets her! haha

When the jets fired missiles at the face of the glacier the chunks that broke off went straight up into the air! That violated several laws of physics lol.

As they drive away everything is destroyed by the glacier, yet it somehow stopped just before reaching the road?!

The son has a panicked expression for most of the movie and seems on the verge of a nervous breakdown. The exchange between in the car between the mother and him is hilarious. Keep in mind that he's apparently 17-18:

Nelson: Everything is gone isn't it?
Teri: Just don't even think about it alright Nelson.
Nelson: Everything. God! Friends. I need to get online!
Teri: No no. You need to focus on what's important ok.
Nelson: THIS IS IMPORTANT!
Teri: No it's not important!


I guess Nelson wanted to check Facebook before the entire east coast is destroyed!

Their car crashing was so dumb. He knows the weather is bad so he speeds and takes his eyes off the road to talk to his wife?! They then commandeer a group home van.

Instead of being logical and telling their daughter to head south now they decide to drive 6 hours to go and pick her up. The glacier would have reached NY way before they'd even get there since it just hit Maine and is traveling at around 86mph. Idiotic!

The people in Boston are walking around and are instantly frozen in place by super cold air! lol.

We are treated to this brilliant exchange:

Julia: But what about the glacier isn't it headed straight for us?
Natl. Guardsman: Not for long. There's a combined task force on its way to meet it.
Julia: So you've declared war on a glacier?
Natl. Guardsman: That's right. It's the last chunk of the glacier and they're putting everything they have on it. Now get your asses inside before I have you arrested!

Later when they are in the Cessna flying to NJ Nelson logs into the NOAA website (user: julia, password: nelson - haha how dumb!) and informs his parents that the glacier is now moving at 200mph! HOW ABSURD!

When the cop told Teri the George Washington Bridge is out she looks at it, sees the damage and says, "Wooow." haha! Perhaps the worst acting I've ever seen on film!

No matter how congested traffic is they always find a convenient alternate route.

The snow is obviously fake.

Twice Bill expertly maneuvers the car to dodge gigantic chunks of falling glacier ice!

They take refuge in the Statue of Liberty and the massive glacier stops moving as soon as it hits the statue, but not hard enough to knock it down!

39 comments:

Anonymous said...

Brilliant, best laugh i have had in ages, just had to watch it...These poeople must be desperate for a few quid to make the movie and sadly the mum use to be a babe, 45, your right, looks 60 lol

Lordrobot said...

A few more comments must be added. First the family must have the worst cell phone plan in history. They can never hear each other's completed sentence but they never resort to the famous line, "Can you hear me now?" Instead they just continue the insanity... "What? I can't hear you. Something is wrong with the phone..."

Also I like the gas siphon scene. Dad who is supposed to be some kind of genius, sucks down a mouthful of gas like a moron instead of simply holding reverse pressure on the tube... why am I telling this idiot? It would have been better if he got sick and was accidentally ignited by his cell phone when he spoke and gas fumes improved the script.

After the first negligent crash, the family gives dad the keys to the next stolen vehicle, a van, and Dad decides it would be a good idea to pick up some roadside strangers.

The best line in the movie was "What's that smell?" Its fertilizer of course and some ammonia. Who's van was this Timothy McVey's? Naturally Dad gives a chemistry lesson in how to make a bomb and ignite it with a road flare.

Then there was the junk food dinner scene and they are all having a party over some potato chips and cola. This speaks to the food chain and in the end you realize that the fittest did not survive. The losers survived with their potato chips, bad cell service, though they lost the phone itself.

All the graphics were CAD. The Airplane flying scenes were priceless and the GPS telemetry of their slut daughter's phone was contrived.

hyperyoda said...

Haha, yes this movie fails so hard!

Anonymous said...

Is this movie a suspense thriller or comedy? aside from comments above,
Have you noticed that while the surroundings are covered with snow the road seems so clear? even the run way!!! ridiculous!

Before they broke-in to the house it was dark outside, and after minutes of getting all the stuff they needed and boarded the plane, wala! "let there be light" worst movie ever! They screw this one up.

hyperyoda said...

LOL, yeah that was really absurd.

Xylotrupes said...

Looks like a ridiculous ripoff of Day After Tomorrow ... and Day After Tomorrow wasn't exactly good. Even the promotional poster looks almost alike! (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Day_After_Tomorrow)

Knight Telekinetic said...

Haha, yeah I think this film hoped they could dupe people into believing they were going to watch "Day After Tomorrow". I agree that it also has problems, but still "Day After Tomorrow" is much better than this film. "2012: Ice Age" should be listed under the comedy genre! It will provide many laughs. :)

Anonymous said...

It was horrible. The acting. The script. Lol. No other words left to say. It was that bad.

Knight Telekinetic said...

LOL!

Anonymous said...

OMG! WTF! THIS ISN'T A MOVIE! IT'S TORTURE! DO NOT WATCH IT!

EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lol! when they are in the plane bill says "the left engine is down and failing"
Nelson says "oh" OH ?!? OH REALLY?!

Knight Telekinetic said...

haha this movie so bad it's hilarious XD

theholiday said...

I came out of hospital after spinal surgery three days ago and Have just Bern forced to watch this film. Well... I watched an hour of it then decided I couldn't take the pain anymore so googled it to find out who was responsible for it, and to remind myself to never, ever work with them.
Having my L5 disc rupture on a 16 hour flight from LA to Australia was less painful than watching this film.
They use the same footage on a number of scenes again and again, the acting is diabolical!!! If they were more ironic they could top the scream movies but unfortunately I think they were serious. "something smells like shit" indeed... Lol
Overall it's hilarious and I wonder if they had more of a sense of iron

Knight Telekinetic said...

Heh. Glad you're on the mend. Yes watching this film as a dramatic piece is painful since it's so unintentionally hilarious!

Anonymous said...

The scientists are morons......the soldiers look so unprofessional....the two thugs in Home Alone look tougher than the cops....The plane flies through a tornado while its snowing....The aircraft ran out of fuel and crash landed....then fuel leaks and it explodes...where did the fuel come from?...what ignited it?....ice?

Anonymous said...

rofl.. 75% of the time, the snow just spreading in front of the camera. just their car front mirror got snow, other cars looks clean & shining. LOL.

Anonymous said...

I thoroughly enjoyed the comments. Movie was a total joke. Acting was idiotic. My wife told me during the movie that it appeared to be made by "students". High School students. The daughter is a spaz, the son is a goofball, and his lines were stupid, idiotic and corny. The daughter wanted to "fool around" with her boyfriend when she got to NYC during a natural disaster never seen before. Then they stole some clothes from the house of a man originally from Jamaica who would be there now if he were stupid enough to fly his plane. He appeared to be stuck in the garage under a shelf that appeared to weigh all of 75 lbs or so. Idiotic. Then the scientist guy (who I think is "Mikey" from those cereal commercials) steals his sweatshirt and vest. Very cold, no breaths could be seen and he wears a vest? Was there no jacket in the movie budget? Then the lady at Newark Airport says if a crashed Cessna is the worst today, it will be a good day. Idiotic line. Then she dies by being hit by some really fast moving debris. The movie has to be a joke and is a total waste of time. Idiotic in every sense of the word. I cannot think of a more stupid movie ever. So stupid it is funny. How in the world did this movie get made. Also, New Jersey is bigger than "She is 1.7 miles away, then 2 blocks" you get the idea. This movie will only help you if you watch it expecting nothing other than time wasting. Also, be very very drunk when you watch it. Idiotic movie.

Knight Telekinetic said...

Idiotic is definitely the word for this movie!

Anonymous said...

Heres my movie review for ICE AGE 2012: The First 10 seconds, I could Tell the movie was WHACK; Actors performance was stupid, i could tell all they were doing was "ACTING" Literally!!! I was not Connected to the Characters at all, I wanted them TO drop dead! The Graphic's were whack! SO FAKE! I am contacting REDBOX for my money back even if its a DOLLAR! :P The movie had No story! i can guess what's gonna be the next scary movie! i kept Laughing through the entire movie! DAMN! Independent film- makers what happening!??

Anonymous said...

I love everything you wrote!
We had movie night with the family and my uncle insisted on watching this movie!
I did not want to rent it in the first place, and i can say is the worst dollar i have spent in my entire life.
This movie was RETARDED! I hated it the moment my uncle rented it.
I was laughing throughout all the bullshit! This movie has a ridiculous plot
I agree with all the comments talking down on this movie
A waste of my life!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Just made mistake of watching this movie. Thought it was the other 2012 movie. What a mistake. Low budget disaster! they could not even afford to pay a few extra's to run around screaming except for about 2 minutes shortly before the end. How was the whole of New York evacuated and those 2 kids did not notice?? very weird. Did anyone notice where Dad suddenly found a lit hurricane lamp when they broke into the Jamaican guys house?
And what happened to the driver of the perfectly fine van they found, keys and all? He obviously just climbed out and started walking. Much easier way to beat a fast moving glacier! lol

Anonymous said...

i agree in all thats said, and it is so much more that could be written, but one thing that also is horrible is that u c the ''snow''cannons, blow out the snow, u c some cameramenn, soundmenn aso.... the only thing i dont agree on is the guy that said DONT SEE THIS MOVIE!...
i recommend this movie for everyone, even thoug the budget was the train tickets to where-ever they were, i reccomend that if u want a good laugh and lots of rewinding aso this is a great movie....(zorry for bad vocubalary and terrible engish)

Anonymous said...

This isn't a Disaster Movie. This "movie" is a disaster. How come the dad somehow knows how to fly a plane? -_-

Anonymous said...

I knew this was going to be a default comedy as soon as the lead actor appeared; he looks like a butch version of Miss Piggy with a retarded family including a whore for a daughter. One of the best comedy movies though

Anonymous said...

That's incredible. I just saw the movie. I agree with all comments and more. Should definitely be one of the worst movies of recent years. All wrong, but everything. Starting with the protagonist, a big goofy and ending with the effects espciales and careless editing.

Certainly a classic of humor.

Anonymous said...

the movie is hilarous, but all the feedbacks here are even more ! that movie was so bad that i decided to look for reviews about it just for fun.. and here i found was i was lookin 4.

Knight Telekinetic said...

lol, I also love some of the comments here! XD

Anonymous said...

It took me all of three minutes viewing to go busy myself in the garage ! popped back in to see if the quality had improved, and laugh ? ... shot from inside the car and the windscreen wipers are in full swing - shot at car from outside .. wipers not on ... back to inside wipers on ... outside again ...not on ! OMG !

Anonymous said...

I thought I had seen completely horrible disaster movies ... but OMG, this is so much worse than ANYTHING else I have ever seen ...

Thanks for the reviews -- they are the best I have ever enjoyed reading -- very funny and worth the read (and accompanying laughs) ... especially while suffering through the movie. Except, the movie is actually worse than the reviews claim!!!

Richard said...

Just finished the torture of this movie on Sci-Fi channel.... OMG.....

Sci-Fi channel went to a whle new low with this film. I suspect its budget was whatever change was found in the director's sofa. The effects appeared more fake than a porn star's boob job, only much less enjoyable to look at.

Anonymous said...

Worst film I have ever seen, hugely funny and more stupid than you could imagine.
Still it prompted me to look for reviews (just in case I had lost my mind) and I found these classic entries.
My sanity restored and laughing at these comments... just great!

Anonymous said...

I'm glad to see so many true evaluations of this movie it is the worst I've ever seen. The scene of people instantly freezing in Boston made me laugh but iy is Boston after all. I wonder if the producers ever read such comment sites

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Anonymous said...

...and when they crash landed and were laying on the ground the snow beside them moved like a carpet, as it was obviously was lol great site by the way

Mike B said...

Hmmm The kids walk through the Lincoln tunnel into New Jersey. Then a huge ice shard hits a museum in new york and the globe from the statue rolls into the shelter they are staying in ( in NJ?). Then the kids are rescued by parents and head east TOWARDS the glacier and end up driving on the hudson river???

Anonymous said...

The actor who played the dad is not the actor who was in the "Hey Mickey" commercials. He is Patrick Laborteaux the guy who played Andrew Garvey in Little House On The Prarie back in the day as a kid...

Anonymous said...

After watching this film on Netflix, I honestly felt like I had viewed one of the worst cases of film making that I can recall. Perhaps one of us should create the "Acting for Dummies" handbook for the artistically challenged?

If crap like this can actually be produced, then perhaps a used toilet paper recycling facility would be viable business endeavor?

Anonymous said...

Horrible movie terrible graphics I give it no stars complete waste of time do not watch I repeat DO Not WATCH !!!!!

Anonymous said...

Just like everyone here. After watching 20 minutes of the movie I had to read some reviews to see if this was real. I was not sure if this was a comedy or just something a few kids made in there basement. Full of laughs though.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for all the comments, I njoyd reading them. Film should never have been released. They actually showed this in theaters? Thank god I watched it for free on netflix. Soooo low budget they could'nt even afford xtras to sit in the abandoned cars, where did those people go????

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